Meet Boris. I hate him.
Night before last I may or may not have stayed up a little bit late having finished 
off a bottle of wine all to myself. 
I lay in bed (I may or may not have had one foot on the floor) and just as I was about to drift off I hear this SNOOORRRRRE and tssssssssssssssss
Its very distinctive and I knew exactly what it was.
It was BORIS.  Pissed off cos nobody was playing with him.
I’m sure you all have a Boris – a toy that tries to cajole your child into playing with him after he has been left without interaction for 5 minutes – a toy who cannot amuse himself if you will.
Anyway, Boris tries to play possum by snoring when he has been left alone and as I knew he hadn’t been played with for at least five hours I guessed his batteries were running out. 
So I stumble past the hubby into the toy room, muttering something about a fucking dinosaur. After kicking around a few things I manage to locate and turn Boris off.
Back to bed.
20 minutes later and me fast asleep I hear SNOOORRRRRE – tssssssssssssssss
FUCK!!
I stomp BACK to the toy room, past a now giggling husband, highly amused by my dishevelled appearance and my increasingly psychotic rants about Boris the fucking dinosaur….
I grab a random screwdriver off the shelf and after a few drunken attempts with a flathead screwdriver (hubby still watching and laughing) I manage to pry open Boris’ stomach and remove (throw at wall) his batteries.
Back to bed.
You wouldnt fecking believe it. 20 minutes later and me comatose I hear 
SNOOORRRRRE – tssssssssssssssss
FUCK!!!!!!!!
I cannot fecking believe it!
I get up and grab every bloody Dinosaur Train Dino we own and turn all the bastards off – I don’t know HOW they are doing it but ONE of them is telepathically making Boris snore!
Little Bastards.
Back to Bed.
Bliss…
The culprits of Midnight insomnia
…for about 5 minutes when I hear Master J screaming from the boys room. I drag my sorry arse into the boys room, grab bubba and break one of my cardinal rules. I let him spend the whole night in bed with us.
In the morning I told him it was because of Boris the fecking Dinosaur.
I think Boris is now Master J’s new idol – even if he will never have batteries again.