He is only five….five towns, five houses.
This is our Master J last week.
He is Five years old.
This is his fifth town and fifth house he has lived in.
Sometimes I forget that, and everything it entails.
Tonight Mr Point Five and I are relaxing, watching The Americans with a beer and a glass of wine.
Master J was up and down like a frog in a sock from bedtime on.
“I cant sleep.
My foot is itchy.
I miss my dummy.
I need a glass of water.”
All of these were met with a sigh of exasperation and eventually, an hour and a half after we had initially tucked him in, the threat of no ipad tomorrow.
His bottom lip trembled.
“Mummy will you come and cuddle with me? I just want to cuddle with you in my bed.”
He has a beautiful, staunch heart, but even those have their limits.
Even though we now have a stunning setting and the potential of a beautiful life here for a few years, he too has history, baggage.
He is only five.
Flooding of guilt.
His world has been turned up-side-down in the past 6 months; being tossed out of his big two story home, living in a bare transit house for months with none of his comforts, hating his school, moving town, moving house, having so many visitors stay with us over the summer, starting a new school, and the most important thing, not knowing for sure how long we will stay.
We tell him that we are here for a time, a good long time, but he constantly talks of our next town, next house, next school.
He is only five.
I press pause on the remote for the umpteenth time and take his small hand back to bed.
I climb in next to him and close his eyes. I stroke down his nose with my fingertips like I did when he was a baby. I blow gently in his flushed face.
Within 2 minutes he was snoring softly.
He is only five.
I hope we can stay here for a good while.
Or at least maximum tenure which is four years.
Our boys need this.
I need this.
We need this.
Please Lisa don’t feel bad. I was so ‘homesick’ when my parents moved to a regional town from Brisbane when I was seven BUT I had a cold father who had no real idea how to socialise and an overwhelmed mother who also had no real idea. Even then I knew they loved my sister and me. Think how much better parents you are! You make an effort to fit into the social fabric of the places you are. I never cared about the houses we lived in, it was the loneliness of my Mum being so busy (with suddenly having to work fulltime plus, in a business that was not her choice) and you do your best that your darling boys never feel that. Once I found a ‘best friend” I was so much happier. If he knows you have time for him and any friends he makes he will be happy. Mother guilt is bad for you, though I definitely feel it often myself as I am flailing about trying to do this mothering bit ‘RIGHT!’. Best wishes
Thank you lovely lady – means the world to read that. xxx