The Secret Ingredient to Motherhood…..
I think one of the biggest negative over-riding feelings of motherhood that nobody ever tells you about is
The feeling that you cannot do ANYTHING on your own timetable. Your life is not your own any longer – it is dictated to by a small person who cannot be reasoned with and whose needs are primal.
I know I have certainly fallen victim to resenting my children, my husband and basically my life as a whole simply because my own needs were not being met. I wouldn’t say I was ever depressed. but I can certainly see how, if left unaddressed, resentment could lead down that black path.
Actually, now I think about it, resentment lead to this day in my life where I left Mr Point Five.
Not a good day. Have a read.
I am a member of a Mothers Group on facebook and lately there have been a few threads on how they are really not enjoying being Mothers, not enjoying their children at all and they are simply wishing the baby years away, struggling to do more than just exist at home. Whilst I have never felt quite like that, I think a lot of these feelings stem from us Mums just not getting any time at all to do what we want when we want to do it; not just the time after the kids go to bed, which again it time dictated, but in our time.
And I’m not talking about taking a mini-vacation or anything lavish. What I mean is…..
- Sitting down to enjoy an uninterrupted cuppa at 2 oclock in the afternoon
- Reading the paper on the Sunday morning it was printed, not three days later and missing pages which have been used for craft already
- Going to the shops and actually browsing without having to have eyes in the back of your head, or heaven forbid, trying clothes on, instead of just buying off the rack and crossing our fingers
- Reading a book in the evening without falling asleep
- Chatting to a friend when they call without the constant interruption of children needing attention – “don’t lick your brother”, “put the dog down”, “no, you cant have a chocolate frog for lunch”!
These were things that you took for granted before you had kids and now, it is YOU who are being taken for granted. Resentment sneaks in and before you know it, you are being dictated to not only by your children but by your terrible built up feelings as well.
So, my lovely readers, here are some tips to try to kick the resentment flea to the curb and try to regain a little of you and your sanity back again.
- Leave the hubby at home with the kids for an hour on a Sunday morning – go buy the paper, a chocolate bar and a takeaway coffee and go down to the local park. Enjoy the silence.
- As soon as hubby gets home from work, pop on your runners and go for a jog, just for half an hour or so. Then stop and sit somewhere for the other 30 minutes – soak in the silence.
- Go on a play date for you – go visit a girlfriend for a cuppa and a chat, even if you have to take the kids, the adult company will do you good and kids are often more distracted at someone else’s place.
- Join a playgroup – do it for YOU and your socialisation, not just the kids.
- Put the radio on YOUR station in the house – believe me, this makes a massive difference. All of a sudden the kids are in your habitat, not the other way around – you are in control. Seriously, it makes a huge change in your attitude, try it!
- Look into one day a week where a relative/grandparent/aunt/uncle/casual daycare can look after the kids for the morning or an afternoon – go shopping, try clothes on, browse, go to a cafe with the hubby or just stay home and enjoy that 2 oclock cuppa.
I cannot stress enough the importance of the premise behind the picture above.
In any situation, if the person who is responsible for everyone else is not being looked after themselves then everyone suffers.
There is a time where a Mum NEEDS to put herself first and be a little selfish.
To get out of the house and leave the kids behind – remember what it was like to be an actual person with feelings and needs of our own, not just a Mother who provides all the time.
Take some time to recharge, please.
Its a Mothers primal NEED, not a luxury.
Without it, we all drown in the resentment.
The resentment that nobody warns you about.
Kick it to the curb.
A post for RUOK Day.