Missing in Action: an explanation.
First it was one, then two and now three. Three emails/messages in the past month from readers wanting to know if I’m OK because they had noticed a change in my blog/presence since we have moved to our new town. I know I have been a little
slack quiet in the blogging department and I do try to keep my facebook page ticking over and interactive so you are updated with our news. My blog is basically an extension of a facebook status; when my updates become too lengthy for facebook, I pop them over onto the blog. My blog posts are a mixture of general thoughts on being a Police Wife, general updates on us as a family or me as a person, ranty pants posts on things that get my goat, specific incidences that have happened to us, stories about the kids etc. I have been thinking on why I have gone M.I.A. on my blog since we moved…..
The Police Wife posts: this blog and the facebook page are monitored by Mr Point Fives bosses and I do not want to say anything that would a) bring his reputation into disrepute and b) say something through ignorance that could compromise his position. Blogging as a police wife in a small town is a learning curve for me with all the unsaid do’s and don’t’s and I am constantly second guessing everything I post; there are so many avenues to garner the same information besides from your husband in a small town, and inaccurate conclusions are the worst. Its mentally exhausting. I was also sent an email/blog comment from a reader basically saying that I shouldn’t speak on behalf of all Police Wives and that she thought I was being too subservient to my Husband and his Job. I disagree entirely, as his job is more than a job, it is a lifestyle we have chosen and the law that he has sworn to uphold is above us all. I have never said I speak on anyone’s behalf but mine, but her comment annoyed me enough to batten down my bloggy hatches for a while.
The Personal Posts: before arriving at this town I was already known by a few savvy blog readers who had put 2 and 2 together and worked out that I was now living in their home town. Being such a small town, with comments on facebook from readers popping up in other peoples newsfeeds, I realised that it wouldn’t be long before all the school Mums would find me here and I didn’t want to come across as whinging, ungrateful, sad or lonely. I didn’t want to be pitied or known too much about before I could actually introduce myself in person! I also don’t want to elaborate too much on the kids embarrassing exploits as it might get back to their little mates in school.
The Ranty Pants Posts: one thing I have learnt from Mr Point Fives job is that we never know the full story until we are behind the closed door and have heard first hand from both parties. If you have read something on a News.com page, seen it on a TV programme, even a “reputable” one, or heard it on the evening news, I have learnt that it is never the full story, not half, not even close. To have an opinion should mean you are well educated on the subject and watching a 4 Corners exposee is not being educated; it is simply believing what they choose to show you. It makes you gullible, not educated, on the subject. I had my Mum asking me recently wanting to know what I thought about Brangelina – I have no opinion as all I have heard is the medias version of one side of a story. Why would I even think I could have the privilege of an opinion? My opinions are reserved for things that affect me and mine; the rest is hearsay. All media try to sell a story; they go in with an end objective in mind. Nic Nat “Blackface”, the treatment of children in detention centres, the “real” killer of JonBenet Ramsey (oh puh-lease!) The media are already the storyteller, judge and jury. Their job is to arrive at a conclusion; they never get all sides of a story. I am realising more and more that other peoples stories are just that; other peoples stories and I do not have a right to an opinion on them, garnered from what I have seen or read on outlets owned by people with an agenda. I am tired of people being insulted or offended because they think they should be and not because the incident has affected them directly. I have unfollowed many pages/blogs recently because of all the sensationalist angst and high horses. I am finding that less things outside my circle irritate me now; for better or for worse.
So there you have it.
I am still very active on facebook, I am running giveaways (I have an awesome one coming up soon where you can win a fantastic family photo shoot! – just in time for Christmas) and if things take my fancy I will pop over here and elaborate on my thoughts. I am good; loving my job but it is very full on for only 18 hours a week and only 4 weeks leave a year! The kids are doing well; settling in. They are still asking where we are moving to next and how long we are staying here so I guess we still have a ways to go to settle in completely. I cant believe they have completed three school terms already and we are on the downward slope to Christmas already, our second here! Still havent found a bestie; not even close. Ah well, maybe in our next town. I have some mates to chat to so that’s something to keep me sane I went up to Perth for a funeral a week or two back; the husband of a gorgeous girlfriend from our first posting had died in a vehicle accident. Their eldest and G Man were born weeks apart in the same hospital and their second son is a few months older than Master J. Give your loved ones an extra long hug tonight and make sure you say Love You before you say Goodbye each morning. So sad.
I posted this on my facebook page recently which seemed to hit a chord with a lot of readers:
“My darling husband,
I just wanted to tell you that I see you.
When your phone goes off on your bedside table at 1am, you go from being my snuggly bed companion to the Sergeant our public needs. Time and time again I see you reach for that same shirt you only took off a few hours ago and hurridly button it up, search for your belt in the darkness and pull on your boots. I hear the front door gently close so as not to wake me or the kids, even though you know I can hear you and will hear you again when you return.
I see you leave in the middle of the night to rescue someone; from a mangled car, from a violence filled home, from a complete stranger, from themselves….I love that you just go; no questions, to rescue people whom you have never met. You cast no judgement. You are their shining light in a sea of despair, their protection, their saviour. I imagine their relief when they hear your firm hand on their front door or see the blue lights coming over the horizon. I can see you through their eyes and you make me so proud.
I see you when you come home, many hours later, sometimes days, weary and torn. I know every fibre in your body aches for our bed but our boys want their Daddy and your mind is not ready for sleep after everything you have just seen. You see people at their worst every day; your everydays are other peoples nightmares. I see you come home and breathe our children in, and I see your grateful heart and shining eyes.
I see you. I see past your uniform. I can only imagine what you see every day. I am grateful to you that I dont have to imagine, that I can be ignorant. I am so grateful that you shield me from so much of what you see and know. Thank you for that; but please know that my shoulders are wide and I can be strong when you need me to be. I can share your sorrow and pain too; even if it is just to hold you and let you know that I see you.
You are so many things to so many people; a husband, son, father, brother, friend, rescuer, hero, saviour, rock, protector. I am your peace. I am your shelter. I am the calm harbour of your storm that you weather every day.
I see you. I love what I see. You can count on me.
(I will still nag you to do the dishes though; you can count on that too ) “
At heart I am firstly a Mother, secondly a Police Wife, and thirdly my own person (yes, in that order) and my emotions and actions stem from all those attributes.
Maybe this is a small hiatus. Maybe its more, but bear with me and I will still take you on our Police Family journey, however slowly.