I want a pink one so badly it hurts.
Then there are three more cycles before my 40th birthday which for some reason is when the deadline in my head is to stop contemplating it any further and just accept we are complete as a family of four.
And we are complete. At least I thought so. I would have driven hubby down to get the snip myself a few months ago I was so sure. Having been an only child myself, I was always set on the idea of just having one. It made sense to me, but Mr Point Fives points for two made more sense, so we had another.
We gave away all our baby stuff as soon as Master J came along. We were done.
Are we though??
My issue is that the one child I was determined to have was supposed to be a baby girl. It always has been, ever since I was a little girl myself. I had dreams of my own little one, with ribbons and curls and pretty dresses with flowers. Little shoes with frilly socks and hair that I could braid. I just assumed my dreams would be answered. When we were newly pregnant with G Man, I had a few dream outfits bought and hidden, just case he was a girl. Perfectly sweet little dresses with matching pantaloons, decorated with smocking and lace. I hid them in drawers, not even hubby knew they were there. I thought I was prepared for the scan to go either way, but when we found out G Man was a boy, I tried desperately not to let the scanner lady see the tears slipping silently down my face. Hubby held my hand and saw them though, and although he was delighted at the prospect, he knew it was not the news I expected.
I sobbed all the way home.
I got over it after a few days and began to embrace the idea, and delight in the prospect of having a little boy. A sweet little angel who was perfect and ours. When he popped out, I couldn’t imagine it our little family any other way.
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| G-Man, just a few hours old. |
When Master J came along I honestly didn’t mind if he was pink or blue. If he was pink, then I would have my longed for little girl but if he was blue, then we would be gifting G Man the best present parents could give – a best mate for life; a best man for his wedding and a drinking buddy for all occasions, future triumphs and disappointments. I felt that either way, it was a winning situation. So when Master J was blue, I was totally and utterly at peace with my family of boys.
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| Introducing G-Man to his new baby brother. |
So why the hesitation now? Why the sudden indecision, the renewed longing to try for pink one?
I have recently brought up my feelings with Mr Point Five and he is open to whatever I want. He wants me to have no regrets and is willing to be on board with whatever I decide. He has said we can try until November and then he will go and have the snip. He would be happy stopping at two, having three; two boys and a girl or three boys. He isn’t fussed. I know he wants to get on with setting ourselves up for the future which will obviously take a few steps backwards but his overwhelming feeling is not wanting me to have any regrets for not trying for my elusive pink one. He gets that I don’t have a mini-me and understands my longing. I am a lucky girl to have such a wonderful husband, I know.
So I have been mulling it over in my head for the past few weeks. We had the discussion in bed last night and I said to him – I have made up my mind. We are done. Then just as I rolled over he put a hand on my hip and said “if we had a little girl, she would always give me kisses. I will miss that when the boys get older”
GAH!!!!! My HEART!!! The ache is back and I am once again undecided and torn.
- I am back at work, which I LOVE. I love being me, Lisa, contributing and valued worker, not just Mum.
- I am mostly getting eight hours of sleep at night. I would miss that.
- We are SO close to buying a block of land and building as Master J will be starting kindy in 18 months and we will be financial enough to start this next phase of our lives. If we have another baby, that plan goes backward by another 4-5 years. Do I want to give that up when we are so close?
- We have NO baby stuff anymore, gave it all away.
- I hate giving birth – if you gave me a gun, I would well pull the trigger whilst in labour. The sheer thought of that brings tears to my eyes even now.
- I’m not sure I am the woman I was three years ago who was capable of making the sacrifices of having a newborn. Its a MASSIVE ask. Am I up to it again?
Wow Lisa, that’s a hard decision and one that only you can make. A friend once told me (he has 3 boys) that unless you can absolutely 100% say that you do not want any more kids and you are done, then you should have another. Otherwise you might regret it in the future. If there is a longing or doubt in your mind, then you should just go for it. I get where he’s coming from, but also like you said you’ve sold all the baby stuff and expected to have no more kids, so it’s going to be a huge life change again and expense for your family. I think giving yourself a deadline is a good idea too. Good luck in whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you and your family whichever way you go xx
My personal opinion is that you will regret it if you don’t try. In five years time, you wont regret having three children (pink OR blue) but you might always regret not trying if you don’t. I think just the fact that it is such a hard decision for you to make is proof that you are not ready to give up xx
I wanted a boy no secret there i always did. I had three girls and i love them all so much, but the feeling for a blue one never left. #4 was a boy!! Only now can i say i’m finished with no regrets x
What Jane said. If you don’t go again, even when you’re so undecided about it now, you’ll regret it in the future. If you do go again, and u get either colour, you’ll be fine.
Do it. You only live once! You might get the little girl you’re dreaming of. And you might get a boy. Either way, you’ll get a little bundle of joy which will be lovely!
I have three girls. First 2, it was a case of “let’s get pregnant and see what we get” type thing. Third one tho? We tried for a boy. My husband is the last one of his surname, so it’s up to him to carry it on. His sister, of course, has had three boys! We thought about finding out the sex but I realised that if we found out and it was a girl, I’d be devastated. Where as I knew that if we didn’t find out and waited until the birth, I’d simply love baby regardless. Number 3 was a girl, and I love it. Love having three girls.
We may go for number 4. Husband is adamant we will. He also thinks we’ll simply keep popping them out till the cows come home. Ha! Little does he know, 4 is my limit. He even tried to convince me to have more than four by telling me how cheap school fees are for the fourth, fifth, sixth etc children! I don’t care!! 4 and that’s it!
Go for it Lisa. You’ll regret it too much if you don’t.
Oh Lisa – I have been in this place…. correction I am STILL in this place. I always imagined I would have a girl, always pictured it in my mind and I wanted it soooo bad. We decided to go for a fourth and try again, but for some reason I chickened out and sent my husband for the snip. I have regrets now BIG regrets and I will always wonder what if. If you dont feel done, then you are not done. Learn from my mistakes and dont make any rash decisions hun. I am so clucky my ovaries literally ache. xx
I share your pain Lisa, I turned 41 a couple of months ago, my youngest just turned 2 and still no baby no. 3 for us : ( We’re blessed with 2 boys who are the light of our lives, but i would still love a little girl. I am surrounded by so many friends with fertility issues and i know i’m very lucky … but still, that yearn will not go away … I say go for it!
lisa wilson, I read your post and it is uncannily like the dilemma I’ve been mulling over too for the past couple of months. my deadline is this cycle too. I have two boys aged 5 and 3 and thought I was finished years ago, but now long for a girl! youre not alone, but in the past week I think I’ve made up my mind to be content with what I have and look forward to the next phase of our lives beyond babies. good luck with your choice and I’d love to know what you decide 🙂
As long as there are no regrets, you know what desires are in your heart!
I have two boys as well and 14 weeks ago welcomed a little girl. I felt strongly about having a little girl too (maybe not quite as much as you!) but it was something I’d always pictured.
I’d felt for quite a few years that we would have 2 or 3 kids, so it wasn’t a massive decision for me to grow our family. But following a friends advice (and success) we did some gender swaying to try for a girl the 3rd time (Ive heard a statistic that if you have 2 boys you are 80% likely to have another one).
My friend did the research online and was able to point me in the right direction of some gender swaying info. It is VERY involved. It means major changes to diet for the woman, some for the man and then lots of considerations ranging from low technology usage (very hard for me!) to timing, position and more around the act. You need at least 3 months lead up of all this before conceiving.
We will never know if it was the gender swaying that worked for us, but even though it was super hard (especially with other kids), it was all worth it. And it’s the small things now that frequently make me smile. At this stage its just having boxes of pink nappies in the house. And even my husband has said multiple times how glad he is to have some pink around. She has him wrapped around her little finger.
I wish I could point you in the right direction if you are interested in exploring gender swaying, but unfortunately the website we used doesn’t seem to be operating any more. Just thought I’d share my story though as if you do decide to try again. When I embarked on the gender swaying, it was a big unknown (and not necessarily viewed by others in a positive light) but it did make me feel like I was doing everything possible to try for a girl.
Goodluck!
Hi there reading this bought tears to my eyes! I had the same feelings as you! I have 3 healthy boys and all I ever wanted was a girl! I was reading exactly my story and I was ridiculed by my family for wanting a girl! They made me feel so bad for it! We were blessed 5 years ago with a daughter and I can’t believe it! I am just letting you know I researched everything to do with gender swaying lol.. And I can maybe give you some advice! Never give up on your dreams, they can come true xx
I have tears reading this. While I am blessed to have two girls and my little man, I connect so much with what you’ve written. I always ALWAYS thought I would have four children. Always. But after my last pregnancy we decided we were done. It had been a horrid 9 months topped with bad PND and we ‘knew’ we were complete. Except, it wasn’t long before I was yearning for another. I have been pregnant twice since I realised I wanted another, but unfortunately it wasn’t to be. I always had a cut-off age of 30 and I reached that this June. But I still want that baby. And my husband still doesn’t. So, that’s that for me. And, he won’t even go get the snip.
If I were you? I would try again. Good luck with what ever you decide to do, I hope you get exactly what you want x
Thanks Becky – jury is still out but I am really relishing my SLEEP right now 🙂
Oh Nicole – how lovely you eventually got your little pink one 🙂 At this point, Im still so undecided on THREE at all. It will be such a massive change for us. Still thinking 🙂
Thanks for the luck – yes, its a bit different going from 2-3 when it was so hard going from 1-2!! I never thought I would have three! We shall see. xxx
Thanks – Im glad hubby has given me the opportunity to be able to have no regrets – there are a lot of stories I read where one really says NO and thats it. Thanks for reading. x
Thanks Andrea – I am fairly sure this will be our decision too. SNAP!! xxx
Awww thanks for reading and commenting – still thinking. Tick tock 🙂
I dont know if I FEEL done or if I am just fantasizing about pink. I think we are done. In fact I really know we are – its just a pink ache that I hope will subside. xxx
You’re a braver woman than I!! Just imagining the logistics of three is doing my head in! Good luck for the elusive blue one. xxx
Thats awesome – Yay!!! xxx
I dunno – I got 8 hours sleep last night, and I LIKED it! xxx
Thank you – yes, I have to say I am so glad that hubby has given me the opportunity to make it happen – its a scary reign to have 🙂
Maybe if you are only giving yourself to november just go off the pill and see what happenes? If its meant to be then its meant to be..
Such a huge dilemma, my first was a boy, I was mildly disappointed but thought ahh well the next one will be pink. Next one was blue I cried but also thankful to find out at 20wks as I needed the last 20 wks to get my head around two boys. Then we had a third leaving 9years between them as I only ever wanted 2 kids but I couldn’t kick the need for a girl. We had that third and on the 20wk I found out it was a blue one. Yup I sobbed out loud, I tried not to but I couldn’t keep it in, I cried for months, of course I loved him once he came into the world and I adore my three but it is physically painful not having a pink one.
I can’t describe it but I’m not sure I could survive four boys do therefore I have to close the door on ever having a girl. I don’t know how to let go the dream of pretty skirts, frilly sox, plaits and braids I toss up again and again every day as hubby would have a million more. I think I’d die trying to raise four boys but I could do the late nights early mornings in a heart beat if I knew it was a girl.
The problem is I don’t want another baby or a forth child I want a girl, I know I’d love a little boy with every part of me if it was a boy but I’d have to experience the loss as well.
I grateful for what I have of course and I wish I didn’t have this odd feeling but it’s there and it just won’t go away.
Good luck for you
Someone once said to me “you will know when your done, you just know, and if your undecided your clearly not done” no idea if I agree but it does haunt me. I turn 40 in April it’s now or never lol