Rising six and breaking hearts.
This is our G Man.
He is now rising six.
He is a little sweetheart, our good child, our angel.
He loves to have rules to follow and is eager to please. We have never had to discipline him, so very different to his little brother who is just plain mischief and pushes all our buttons!
He has severe dyspraxia which we initially thought was ASD and we had him assessed when he was three.
Some of the traits which led us to these thoughts were behaviours brought on by his inability to communicate due to his dyspraxia; shyness, introversion, resilience to change, repetitive behaviour and other traits but most of these ironed themselves out when we got him into regular and intensive speech therapy.
He blossomed.
He is still a little reticent when he meets new people but he is gentle and eager to try to communicate now as his speech is improving; he is so very sweet and delicate, not a mean bone in his body and you just cant help fall in love with him and his beautiful soul.
Our G Man started Year one this year. We moved house just last November so he caught the tail end of last term.
He didn’t really make any friends but I wasn’t worried too much thinking he would start fresh this year with all the kids starting a new year together.
But after the second week I noticed the stories he would tell of his day didn’t involve other kids. I would ask him who he played with and he would say Nobody Mummy, I just played Star Wars by myself.
It broke my heart – thinking of my sweet angel all on his lonesome is a sea of kids his age. You feel so helpless at this stage of parenting, having to let them go at the school gate and trust they will be OK.
You discover heart muscles you never knew you had.
I talked to his teacher who said she couldn’t understand it, she said G Man was well liked in class in interacted well with the other kids. She would keep an eye on him for me and let me know what was happening.
So on Tuesday night at home I received an email from his teacher who that day had found our little G Man all by himself eating his lunch in the undercover area whilst all the other kids were out playing. She sat down next to him and asked him why he wasn’t out playing too. He looked at her (she said he may have rolled his eyes at her) and explained very patiently that the rule was that you had to eat your lunch at the table and then when you had finished you could go and play.
Well that was the rule in Pre-primary, but not so in Year One and the trouble was, when he had finished his lunch, all the other kids had already established their game playing and he was too timid to muscle on in and just watched from the outside.
His teacher explained the new Year One rule to him and said he could take his lunchbox out into the playground with him. But what if I lose it, my worried gorgeous boy asked? I will remind you to bring it in, his lovely teacher said.
I read this email to Mr Point Five and as my voice wobbled, we both started welling with tears. Our angel, our baby boy. Had we failed him somehow? What could we have done differently? We both felt just awful and our hearts were heavy as we imagined our little boy sitting eating his lunch all by himself, confused as to why it was so.
We went in and sat on his bed, looking at his innocent sleeping face and vowed to do better somehow, to protect him more, with no idea of how we could.
Doesn’t having children just break you with emotion sometimes?
Oh, my HEART!
Oh, now I am welling up. You haven’t failed him. In fact, by taking notice, and speaking to his teacher, you’ve helped work out what the problem was. I fear there will be many more heart breaking moments in the future though, that quote is so true. Our hearts are all off walking around out there by themselves! xx PS~ Love love love that pic of you both!
You haven’t failed him, and you’re hearing from one who’d know. My eldest was a sweet, gentle rule follower too & I recall reading in her school diary when she was about 9 that ‘no one played with me today’. Gawd, I get tears thinking back to it; we spoke to the teacher but she said a similar thing, that our darling was a lovely girl, well liked, she was sure she’d be fine. We let things drift but it wasn’t till she changed schools in high school that we saw what a really happy accepted girl looked & behaved like. The problem had been a group of girls who considered my girl a ‘goody goody’ & ‘teachers pet’, most of the way through primary. Luckily high school was amazing, but can you believe that when she started uni & lived on campus in a Catholic girls college that it started again? What was a state school girl doing in amongst private school girls? How come she had a better school result (OP) than them? Why did she stay in at night studying to become a vet when they were out picking up random guys & smuggling them in? Eventually it all paid off & she is now that successful young vet, but the damage was done…she’s shy & cautious now & sticks with a small group of close friends. Maybe that’s how she was always going to be, it’s impossible to say, I don’t want to change her, I’d just like to be sure she hasn’t been changed by her history, and live with regret on a very regular basis that I didn’t do more, way back then. You’re a great mum, you’re onto it, you won’t fail – I’m an example of one who failed… Squeezy hugs to your darling boy & to you xo
Truth be know, he probably enjoys his own company …. I know I do (when I get the chance to alone). I was encouraging my daughter to have a group of friends at school instead of just the one friend. So two became three …. and it was a year of hell as the three of them competed and bickered. There are certain things that children need to sort out and learn themselves. Parenting is about instilling good morals and nurturing the beautiful child you have been given.
This really touched me, my girl has started kindy this year but is really struggling with making friends. She plays with her sister (in year 1) but that is causing issues within her friendships.
I hope your boy finds his place x
Oh sweet girl – my heart is aching as I read this. Your beautiful boy bless him and you two have so NOT failed him. Look at the way he respects rules, that is not something a child of failing parents does. My middle son Sam also had sever Dyspraxia verbal and motor as we found out in year 1. He too was meticulous about rules because for him, he could plan things very well because of the dyspraxia so rules and routines gave him a sense of security and relief that he didnt have to do it for himself. He is now 9 and soooo outgoing and confident. Not a hint of the speech issues remain but he still struggles with writing. He now likes to push the rules rather than follow them to a tee, but it took him a few years to find the confidence to do that. It does hurt your heart doesnt it this whole parenting gig. I dont know that it will ever stop, but the fact that your heart aches for your beautiful boys is just more proof that you have so far from failed him. Much love chick much much love xx