A photo can tell a thousand stories….
Do you remember in English class in school, being given a photo/picture to look at and then having to make up a story as to what happened? To look at a millisecond snapshot and be able to assume the story behind it, with no thread of conversation, no inkling of the surroundings of the photo or the lead-up to its existence?
You don’t know the main characters in it, their history, what is being said. You cant even see the expression on the face of one of them.
And yet you are asked to tell the story of what is ACTUALLY happening.
You are asked to JUDGE that photo and the people in it.
I’m going to go out on a limb all by myself here and play devils advocate.
We are all so quick to cry abuse, racism, sexism, without knowing the full story.
We are all so quick to JUDGE other people and their stories, without having all, if ANY of the facts.
What if, the photo above doesn’t tell the story we all assume it does?
It does indeed look to be a couple having an argument, a tiff, a fight.
We all have them.
We have all been reduced to tears over something said or done by our partner.
Maybe we haven’t all been physical like this photo appears to illustrate, but all things physical aren’t necessarily wrong or criminal. Nigella admits herself that they are both feisty people, and to this point she hasn’t spoken out about being abused or threatened.
I can see the photo looks damaging. It does indeed APPEAR that he is gripping her throat. But is he? Did he merely place his hand there to indeed illustrate a point, as he described? Was he acting out a scene or threatening her? Did she FEEL threatened? We don’t know the conversation leading up to this photo. He may have been illustrating something in the conversation, making a point without actual threat to her.
Maybe. Maybe not. The point is, we don’t bloody KNOW do we??
The Police, who were the ones to have had the most facts that one could gather, couldn’t even charge this man with Assault and gave him a warning, so why are we all screaming blue murder that he did? What gives us the right, with little more than a photo and the fact that Nigella appeared to pack up and move from the family home to assume this man is a criminal, when the Police, who have all the evidence cannot say he is? He says she moved out to avoid the paparazzi camped at the home. After the behaviour of the media, I find this totally plausible.
That look of horror above – I get it on my face when I am being tickled. I hate being tickled. It makes me feel trapped and suffocated and I panic. I was hit by a man when I was 21, beaten and bruised. Threatened in a violent way and he had me in a corner, cowering. His mate came in and pulled him off me, thankfully. Even since then I cannot handle being tickled. Yes, I charged him. No, I don’t condone or belittle physical or mental abuse, by a man or a woman. BUT if someone with a camera was to witness me being tickled by my husband, see the pure fear on my face and hear my screams of panic, he could very well have taken a similar photo of me and my husband. To all intents and purpose I would then be an assault victim and my husband would be a criminal.
Anyway – Nigella is not being tickled, I think we can all assume that. But my point is, even if her husband did have his hand on her throat, is it as BAD as we are all screaming it is? Is it criminal? Do we have the right to protest domestic violence, without all the evidence and to drag their marriage into the spotlight?
I don’t know about you, but I am tired.
Tired of assumption. About what people are thinking, meaning or feeling.
Tired of the do-gooders jumping up and down on their band wagon with little more than ill-informed emotion and no hard facts.
It annoys the be-jesus out of me.
For goodness sakes, with no previous history of domestic violence in their marriage, can we please let Nigella sort her shit out in private and stop casting judgement without fact?
NB: Whilst I appreciate that there are a lot of women living and suffering in domestically violent situations and feel that they are unable to speak out, I don’t believe any good has come from the public judgement and vilification without the full facts in this situation. If Nigella herself speaks out and claims to be abused or more evidence of abuse comes to light then her husband should be dealt with accordingly by the Police. It very well could have been a domestic violence situation, but we just don’t know.