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Toddlers guide to Making a total Arse out of his Mother

  So, ever since we got back from our holiday I have been struggling with sleep deprivation.   Master J had decided he would no longer sleep in his bed after three weeks of sleeping at his Mummas side, so we put him back in his bed, moved his brother to the toy room to sleep (little boys heaven) and started controlled crying.   Then, knowing that you aren’t supposed to do the whole mean mummy thing of letting your baby cry when they are sick he went and got himself tonsillitis.   Really Badly.     We rode it out...
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My kingdom for an earplug.

OK – here is a scenario for you… You and your partner/husband go to bed at 10pm. He puts his earplugs in, you don’t. You are up to the toddler at , 2am and 4am. Upon returning to bed each time you are confronted with the snore monster from hell and it takes a good half hour to get back to sleep each time. The 4 year old is awake at 6am and you get up to start the day. Husbands alarm for work goes off at 7am. Husband wanders out into kitchen and says…… a) Here honey, I know you’ve...
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Nag Nag Nag – GUILTY!

So, apparently women nag. We do. I am guilty. VERY guilty. I wonder if lesbian couples nag each other? They are women. Do they nag each other?  Is one the designated nagger and the other the nagee? I’m willing to bet they don’t.  I say this because at the root of every single woman nagging is a man irritating the absolute be-jesus out of her.  A man who gets home from work, sits on his behind doing sweet FA, whilst the woman bustles about getting dinner ready, dishes done, kids fed and bathed, house tidied, all whilst her dearest husband...
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What to do with the Brazilian??

I have an X rated problem. My problem is that I am going to be the big 4 Zero next year…. ….and I have a brazilian that I don’t know what to do with. It started in my mid twenties when I decided I had had enough of this…. and this during bikini season…. So I manicured and trimmed and ended up like this….. Then in my late twenties I thought this would be cool…… Then in my early 30’s, with a husband (now ex) hooked on meth and porn I got desperate for him to notice me and did this…....
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I'll give you a dollar if you can find my keys.

So, Mr Point Five got home on Saturday after being away for a week and he had to start work this morning at 6am.  Dum da dum daaaaa – cant find his work keys which he SWEARS he left at home for the week and is absolutely positive Master J has “relocated” them whilst he was away.   Slight bit of guilt on my behalf as it would therefore have happened on “my watch”. Fairly important and will cost us over $1000 to replace them plus a massive amount of paperwork and headaches so my number one task today was to FIND them!  Sigh. ...
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I’ll give you a dollar if you can find my keys.

So, Mr Point Five got home on Saturday after being away for a week and he had to start work this morning at 6am.  Dum da dum daaaaa – cant find his work keys which he SWEARS he left at home for the week and is absolutely positive Master J has “relocated” them whilst he was away.   Slight bit of guilt on my behalf as it would therefore have happened on “my watch”. Fairly important and will cost us over $1000 to replace them plus a massive amount of paperwork and headaches so my number one task today was to FIND them!  Sigh. ...
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The night that could have been…..

Mr Point Five got home yesterday after being away for a week. SO you know what that means when the kids go to bed. Yep, a bit of the old horizontal sheet boogy. He had a shower and a shave. I slipped into my non-floral/flanny nightie and the kissing had JUST started when…… RING RING……RING RING. I knew who it was and I had to answer. My poor Mum has been in hospital for about 4 weeks now and I talk to her every day when she goes in, which is a common occurrence.  It isn’t an option – if I don’t speak with...
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My Road Trip – the one where I FUBARéd my phone :(

Monday just gone I made a spur of the moment decision to take the boys on a play-date. Just me, the lone responsible adult. To Donnybrook. 450km round day-trip.  Insanity. I had two reasons for this. The first was that a girlfriend of mine whose hubby was stationed with mine at Port Hedland had moved there and I hadn’t seen her or her gorgeous boys in nearly three years. The second reason was THIS (below, click on the pic for details) – the biggest free entry fun park in Australia is there! In hindsight, I should have checked the weather guide as WELL...
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Pregnant excuses.

Disclaimer: NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! My husband needs one of these T-Shirts when I am pregnant. My biggest stuff up was going to an ATM and withdrawing $200. At least that was my intention. What I actually did was put my card in, entered my pin, requested $200, collected my card and walked away without the cash, leaving it as a bonus for the person behind me in the queue. It wasn’t until I went back to my waiting husband and he asked for his half that I went “Doh” (well, not exactly Doh) and turned back to the ATM...
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One plus one = FIVE???

I am sure you have all uttered the words together before, usually when you have had a few too many wines or your kids are doing something really sweet, like oh I don’t know….sleeping.  The words that go “Gee we make cute babies” Sigh. “It would almost be criminal not to have another” And then you look at each other and laugh hysterically at the thought of going through all that again, knowing that you are both happy with our family of four. That’s one each. Perfect. Done. But then you are home one day telling your hubby about...
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