Marriage can be effing hard some days.
The past few months or so, Mr Point Five and I have been butting heads.
Nothing major, just niggles all over the shop. A constant pea in our bed, if you will.
I think it mostly has to do with stress, and it takes its toll.
There are three major ones for us:
First – Hubby has applied for a promotion for work and with a few stages to go through and each stage being upwards of six weeks, it is a long and drawn out process. What we do, regarding thinking about building our house of dreams and where we live for the next 12-24 months kinda depends on the outcome so we are both very anxious;
Secondly – Master J has snaffled my rings (my wedding ring, my great-grandmothers wedding/engagement ring and my pushing present from when G Man was born) and put them SOMEWHERE. I always take them off to do the dishes and put them on my computer desk or the kitchen bench. We have tipped the house up-side-down and still cannot locate them. I am completely gutted to the point of bursting into tears many times over it. Mr Point Five is upset for me as well but is also pissed that I didn’t look after them properly.
My bare hands are a constant reminder to us both;
Thirdly – we had a family showdown of sorts with my Dad about 18 months ago, which, despite trying hard from both ends, isn’t completely reconciled and still upsets me and makes me sad and irritable at times.  Over the months I have learnt to recognise when these feelings are bubbling up from within and try to not let it affect my relationship with the family under this roof.
We have been nit-picking with each other; over-reacting, snarking and just generally being twats, all for no particular reason other than we are stressed. Its hard not to make it out to be more than it is, make the snarking define our marriage instead of viewing it as a result of stress (which WILL rescind),  but we are trying.  Honestly, it has become such a competition of late. If I wake up and say I am tired, he is more so. He says he is “shattered’.  If I get a bad nights sleep with Master J, he had a worse one.  If we both have headaches, his is not just a headache, but a “splitting” one. If I say the sky is blue he will look out the window and point out the clouds. There has to be a winner at all costs, even if the cost is our sanity.
Its ludicrous.
Yesterday we had a totally minor and utterly dumb “disagreement” which lasted from roughly 11am until this morning. Every time the kids asked him a question, he told them to ask Mummy because “Mummy knows everything”.  I feel like teaching the kids a new word – asshole.
I felt it was better to NOT talk to him for fear I may say something that would be mean, something I wouldn’t really mean. The silence started off as bitter and frosty but as the day wore on, it became a mutual passive truce. I think we BOTH realised that we are in a bit of a negative patch at the moment and we need to push through it, rather than let it pull us under. We both realise that marriage is a LONG road and there will be a few bumps, a few ruts and hopefully a LOT of smooth sailing.
I know all the advice says to “never go to bed angry”. In fact we have a lovely wall decal above our bed that says “Always Kiss Me Goodnight”. How sweet – I say bugger that. In order to not go to bed angry, it means making up and if we are so stubborn to not have done that during the day, it certainly ain’t gonna happen just before bed. In fact, I get more stubborn at night. I lie there, giving him one last silent chance to apologise and then turn over in a humph. BUT I do wake up more often that not calmer than the night before, and will usually offer a truce in the form of a morning hug, get over it and embrace the new day together.
 Marriage is damn difficult sometimes eh? 
Seriously, what idiot proposed that two people spend forever together in pure harmony 100% of the time? Shit never gonna happen.
You meet, fall in love, get engaged, married, have kids….. Its a life long dance.
BUT – you never know how you OR your partner will react to situations until you are in them.
How will you both react to the pure sleep deprivation that is a new baby? (my GOD!!!) How will you both cope? Losing a job? A close family member? A crisis? Devastation?  Honestly, every situation is sent to test us and it is all we can do to recognise it and cope the best we can. Back to back, we face the world.
Every couple copes differently, has their own steps to the marriage dance.
You may trip up, fall down or step on each others feet but the music still plays and you catch up to the rhythm.

Marriage is beautiful every day, even if it is not always pretty.

This is the man I proposed to, the man I married and the man who pisses me off to no end at times!
When that happens I just think about the man who holds me when I am crying at Grays Anatomy, swims with the boys in the middle of winter so I don’t have to, drinks tea first thing in the morning if there is only enough coffee for one and thinks I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met.
Men – can’t live with them, can’t shoot them. 

“Life is hard. Not because I am doing it wrong, just because it’s hard.” 
– Glennon Doyle, Momastery.

How do you dance? Do you Always Kiss Goodnight or stay awake and plot your revenge??